Peer Coaching Helped My Parents Understand, Too

By Amina K. (not her real name), Undergraduate Student from Pakistan

When I decided to apply to universities in the United States, I was excited—excited to explore new opportunities, to challenge myself academically, and to step into a world that seemed so different from my home in Pakistan. However, there was a huge obstacle in my path: my parents.

It’s not that my parents didn’t want me to pursue higher education abroad—they did. But they had never been to the United States themselves. They didn’t know how the admissions process worked. In fact, they didn’t even understand the basic concepts of what I needed to do: SAT scores, essays, interviews, financial aid—it all seemed like an insurmountable mountain to them. Even though I wanted this, they were scared. They couldn’t comprehend the complexities of what I was trying to navigate.

I vividly remember long nights spent explaining the U.S. college system to my parents. I would tell them about deadlines, requirements, and what I needed to prepare, but they would get confused or frustrated. They wanted to be supportive, but they just didn’t have the context or knowledge to understand what I was saying. It wasn’t just a language barrier—it was the culture gap, too. The American way of higher education was so different from anything they had known.

That’s when I found peer coaching. Through Pathways, I was connected with Lila (not her real name), a peer coach who was a student at a prestigious university in the U.S. She had gone through the same journey of applying as an international student, and she understood exactly what I was experiencing. But what I didn’t expect was that Lila’s guidance didn’t just help me—it helped my parents, too.

When we first connected, I wasn’t sure how she would be able to help with my specific situation. I had a lot of logistical questions about how to write my essays and what schools I should apply to, but I was also struggling with my parents’ concerns. Lila was incredibly empathetic, listening patiently as I shared the challenges I faced with my family. After hearing my story, she offered a unique solution: “Why don’t I talk to your parents directly?”

At first, I was skeptical. How would a conversation between Lila and my parents help? They didn’t speak English fluently, and they were understandably nervous about a system they didn’t understand. But Lila’s offer gave me hope. We set up a Zoom call where Lila patiently walked my parents through the entire application process—from what an SAT score was to the differences between financial aid and scholarships. She explained how American universities selected students and why extracurricular activities were so important.

But most importantly, she explained that the process was not a “one size fits all” approach. There were universities with different financial aid policies, and that it wasn’t just about getting into the top-tier schools—it was about finding the right fit. This approach, this reassurance that we had options, put my parents’ minds at ease. They saw that this wasn’t some unattainable dream but a process that could be navigated with the right support.

Lila also made it clear to my parents that applying to U.S. colleges as an international student wasn’t as simple as filling out a form—it required research and effort. But hearing it from someone who had been in their shoes made all the difference. She told them about the challenges she faced as an international student, her journey with the visa process, and the financial hurdles she overcame. Her success story made them feel like it was possible for me too. They no longer saw my decision as a far-off fantasy but as something grounded in reality.

The conversation with Lila didn’t just address the technicalities of applying to college—it helped bridge a massive gap between my parents’ concerns and the practical steps I needed to take. I watched as my parents’ anxiety turned into cautious optimism. They started asking questions about schools and financial aid options they had never even considered before.

What I also appreciated was that Lila encouraged my parents to be actively involved in my college search. In our subsequent calls, she reminded me to involve my parents in the process, helping them understand that their support would make a huge difference. She also emphasized that even though the system was different from what they knew, the principles behind it—hard work, determination, and a willingness to learn—were the same everywhere.

In the end, the peer coaching experience wasn’t just about helping me get into college; it was about empowering my parents to understand the entire process and to be confident in my ability to navigate it. It helped all of us realize that while the unknown can be overwhelming, with the right guidance, it’s possible to break it down and make it manageable.

When the acceptance letters started coming in, my parents were the first to celebrate. They had come to trust the process because they now understood it. They had seen firsthand how someone who had been where I was—someone from a similar background—had successfully navigated the same journey.

Looking back, I realize how important it was for my family to feel included in this decision. It wasn’t just my future at stake; it was our collective understanding of how to take this leap together. And without peer coaching, I’m not sure that understanding would have ever fully taken root.

If you're an international student, don’t be afraid to ask for help. You’re not just navigating a system that’s unfamiliar to you; you’re navigating it for your entire family. Peer coaching is a way to make that process smoother, not just for you but for the people who support you the most. It can give everyone the tools and confidence to make your dreams a reality—together.