How We Used Peer Advising to Reduce the Stress of College Apps

By Ricardo M. (not his real name), Parent of a High School Senior

If you had told me two years ago that a college student would be the person to bring calm into our home during application season, I would’ve laughed. Not because I doubted their ability, but because the entire college process felt too big, too intense, and too unpredictable for anyone to simplify—let alone someone still in college themselves.

But that’s exactly what happened. And I’m here to tell you it worked better than anything else we tried.

The Stress Was Real—For All of Us

My daughter, Paloma (not her real name), is our oldest. Neither my wife nor I went to college in the U.S., and we both work long hours. Between school, volunteering, a part-time job, and college applications, Paloma was carrying an invisible weight every day. We tried to help—reading essay drafts after dinner, looking up scholarships on weekends—but more often than not, our efforts just seemed to raise the tension.

What we didn’t understand back then is that we weren’t just trying to manage logistics. We were trying to manage emotions—hers and ours.

Enter a Peer Advisor

It started with a casual online info session. A friend of Paloma’s had met with a student advisor and said it really helped, so we gave it a shot. We scheduled a meeting with a peer advisor named Alexis (not her real name), a junior studying Sociology and African American Studies at a college in the Midwest.

I expected a typical “here’s what you need to do” checklist. Instead, Alexis began with one question: “How are you feeling about all of this?”

Paloma froze for a second. I don’t think anyone had asked her that yet.

What followed was a conversation—not a lecture, not a session with a counselor, but a conversation between two people who had something in common: they’d both felt the pressure, the uncertainty, and the stakes of trying to get into college.

What Changed

Over the next few months, Alexis became a steady presence. They didn’t meet every week, but they checked in at key moments—when Paloma was brainstorming essay topics, when she got her first rejection, and when she was weighing which extracurriculars to highlight.

What stood out wasn’t just Alexis’s knowledge, though she clearly knew the process inside and out. It was her empathy. She helped Paloma find her authentic voice, validate her experiences, and see her background—not just her test scores—as part of what made her application powerful.

That reframing was huge. It helped Paloma stop trying to sound like someone else and instead tell her own story—with pride.

The Ripple Effect at Home

Once Paloma had someone she could talk to who truly understood the process from a student’s perspective, things changed at home too. She was more relaxed, more open with us, and even laughed again while writing an essay (that was a first). Our conversations became less about deadlines and more about her dreams.

I started to realize that one of the best things I could do as a parent wasn’t to try and have all the answers—but to help her build the right support system.

Looking Back

College applications will never be stress-free. But they don’t have to be overwhelming. What peer advising gave our family was perspective, empathy, and a reminder that this isn’t just a process—it’s a transition. And transitions are easier when you have someone walking beside you, not just ahead of you.

If you’re a parent wondering whether peer advising is worth exploring, I’ll say this: watching my daughter grow in confidence and calm over those few months was all the proof I needed.